Recently I presented a talk to my local homeschool group on
finding peace in homeschooling. I thought it might be nice to share here. I
hope you will find something helpful as I know it is all too easy to lose our
peace along our homeschooling journey.
One disclaimer before I begin; I have not “arrived” to a
place of peace. Please do not read this post and picture us moving along swimmingly through
our day, as if we have reached perfection. I have to remind myself, on
a fairly regular basis, of everything I’m going to share with you. Just a few
weeks ago I sent my husband a text telling him I am handing in my resignation!
And the first week of school, this very year (18+ years in) I had thoughts
flying through my mind like, I’m not cut
out for this, I don’t have what it
takes, and why I am doing this? In
much the same way we are perpetually growing in our faith journey while still
on earth, homeschooling is also a place of ongoing growth.
First things first; just like every other area in our life
we need to remember to lean on God for
our true peace. Frequent the Sacraments! We obtain grace and strength from
them. What a gift!! Adoration is a wonderful way to feel refreshed. Try to not
neglect at least a little prayer time. I understand this is so challenging for
busy moms. We have to get creative about our prayer time. If you can’t spend
time in prayer before everyone wakes up in the morning, you can pray in the
shower, in the car, while you do laundry or cook, whenever you are able. Prayer
should be constant conversation with God anyway, so it is ok to pray throughout
the day. In fact we are told to do this in Scripture; 1 Thessalonians 5:17
tells us to “pray without Ceasing”. And
remember everything you do for your
family is an offering, a prayer. Caryll Houselander wrote this in The Reed of God, “Yet it is really through
ordinary human life and the things of every hour of every day that union with
God comes about.” (pg. 26)
Now, onto some practical matters. To help understand how to
find peace, we need to first root out
what robs our peace so we can combat those thieves. Some, but certainly not all, hindrances to peace are:
Thief #1-Comparison
Comparison is dangerous. It can rob you of your peace faster
than you can say the word. Comparison has been referred to as one of the “5 Emotional
cancers” in the workplace, and I believe this rings true for women in every
walk of life. Comparison is destructive. It tears us down if we let it. Comparison
to our friends and other homeschoolers leads us quickly to discouragement and
despair. If God has called you to this place, He believes you are enough and knows you
have what it takes. Remember we all have God-given gifts and talents. What
works for one family may not work for another. Keep seeking what works best for
your family. Comparing ourselves to others saps us of energy; energy which is
better spent doing what we need to do to accomplish our goals with and for our
families. Just as brick-and-mortar schools are not one-size-fits-all, neither
is the homeschooling journey.
*When you stop
comparing yourself to other homeschoolers you will find peace*
Thief #2- Am I
doing enough?
Before you read any further, take a moment to draw a square
on a piece of paper……. Now put a dot to the right of the square. The box you just drew is the
school system. You are outside of the box, a place you desired to be when you
took on the task of homeschooling.
The question of, “Am I
doing enough?” is another form of comparison, but this question is usually about comparing our children’s
education to the education of children in public schools. We may find ourselves panicking over intrusive
thoughts such as, kids in school are reading
by 6, or they know multiplication
tables by 7. The list could go on and on. Know
that it all evens out. It truly does! We left the box because we wanted
better for our kids. So why do we look to this place to gauge how we are doing? We don’t want our children to become
computers who can input and spit out information. One should be careful to not get too caught up in how much your
child has learned each year. (I mean to the point of robbing your peace) We want
our children to be life-long learners, who know
how to learn.
In some areas your child may be ready to keep moving on while
in others you may need to spend more time. This is the beauty of homeschooling. You don’t need to “hold your child back”.
Keep plugging along where they are excelling and slow down in the areas which
need more work. You do not have to finish every book you have purchased. Nor do
you need to continue with things which aren’t working for your child. Close
your ears to the outside world which asks if you are doing enough! Learning is
not just about the books. Learning happens in many ways. Teaching our children
life skills is of great importance. And we as homeschoolers certainly teach our
children many life skills.
Assess every now and then, as if putting together an
evaluation portfolio. Look at what you have done. SEE that learning IS in fact
taking place!! Bear in mind, we are
raising our children for Heaven not Harvard!
*When you stop
comparing your homeschooling to the school system and see that you ARE doing
enough, you will find peace*
In
addition to comparing to the schools:
Don’t be afraid to let go of the syllabus a bit. The syllabus is there to guide you. You do
not need to be a slave to it. Trying to check all the boxes usually does
not bring peace-and I am a serious box checker!! ;) School just doesn’t always work
like that. It is also OK to change gears
and move in a different direction if something is not working.
Different seasons of life bring busier times, for example, when
a new baby is born, when a move is taking place, if there is a death in the
family. Any of these big events will bring chaos to our school year. It is ok
to relax a bit in these times. The year my father died I was afraid to put
together my portfolio for my end-of-year evaluation. We took a great chunk of
time off and I worried we hadn’t accomplished enough. To my surprise and relief
I found, by God’s grace, we accomplished quite a bit. Even if we do bare
minimum the kids ARE in fact learning. And honestly bare minimum for homeschoolers
is quite impressive, considering most are overachievers!
Thief #3 Not
recognizing the root of struggles
If you feel you need to put on your battle gear every
morning and you dread the day ahead of you, if your child is melting down often
and stressed over school, there may be an underlying issue. While our days may
not all be filled with sunshine and roses, they shouldn’t all be terrible. There may
be a readiness issue, a learning
issue, or you could possibly be using the wrong curriculum for your child.
Each child learns differently. What works with one child may
not work for another. This is one of the blessings of being “outside of the box”.
We have the ability to work with each of our children on their own level, and
within their limitations, encouraging learning by respecting their own learning
style.
I highly recommend Cathy Duffy's book, 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum. Take the survey
in the book. This will hone in on your teaching style and your child’s learning
style, enabling you to choose your curriculum in a more conducive way.
Our journey as homeschoolers is one where we have to retool, tweak, and reassess
what we are doing and how we are approaching things fairly regularly. Again,
although this can be tiresome, it truly is beneficial to have this freedom.
There are plenty of resources at our disposal, which can
help us to change things up for a struggling learner. For example, one year one
of my children was struggling to understand some of her science lessons. She is
very hands-on. I found some helpful activities on the Teachers Pay Teachers
website. We slowed down the text book to create anchor charts and mapping activities
for each unit. These helped reinforce the concepts for her, making science fun
instead of her most-dreaded subject. Of course, it is also ok to change
curriculum midstream if it is bringing forth more tears than successes.
Don’t be afraid to let go of the day if things aren’t going
well. You will pick up your stride when you begin again. It is better to function well than to battle through. Listen to
your instincts and know when to take a break, set things aside and just have a
fun day, a restful day, a break day.
*When you school in a
way which works for each child’s needs you will find peace*
Thief #4- Opinions
of Family and friends
Another thief of peace can be the naysayer’s voices rolling
around in our heads. Most, if not all of us battle the inner turmoil when we are
met with strong opinions about our decision to homeschool. This may include a
family member or friend challenging us with questions about our ability to
teach our children, or expressing concern regarding the children’s
socialization. A husband may lack confidence in the ability to actually take on
this feat, or he may feel apprehension over the opinions of coworkers, family
members or friends as you take this radically different approach. Lack of
agreement with your spouse on the approach to homeschooling can also bring
stress. Share opinions, pray together on finding solutions. Communicate and
compromise (not on conviction, but on execution). Our husbands do have a say in
their children’s education.
*When you shut out
the negative voices and find a path to walk TOGETHER with your spouse you will
find peace*
Thief #5- Being
too busy
Do you ever find yourself falling short on actually getting
to the school work because you were too busy socializing the kids?! I have watched
many new homeschooling moms burn themselves out (myself included!) trying to
jump on every single opportunity that arises in an effort to ensure the
children don’t feel different and are well socialized. Remember those naysayer’s
voices? Are we trying to make sure we look good to everyone on the outside? By
allowing ourselves to be so busy we may let things at home fall apart,
including the schooling.
Simplify if you feel you aren’t accomplishing the work that
actually needs to be done. While we
don’t want to be box checkers we do still need to school our children.
Sometimes we get so busy socializing them, spreading ourselves thin
(understandable-we need community) that we find ourselves unable to get the
school work accomplished. If you are feeling frazzled by the busyness, it may
be time to re-examine all that you are doing outside the home. Sometimes
scaling back is necessary. Finding balance is often tricky, but regular
reassessment and adjusting of schedules can be helpful. This is
different for each person. Some families thrive in the busy, while others do
not. Spend time truly evaluating what works best for your family.
Allowing interruptions in our day can be another stumbling
block. The many distractions of texts, phone calls, and social media can occupy
great amounts of time, making us feel busier and distracted from the task at
hand.
*When you learn what
level of busyness or simplicity works for your family, (and accept this!) you will find peace*
Thief #6- Lack of
time to prep and plan
We have to take time for teacher prep days. Schedule days when your husband (or a parent, friend or other relative) can take the kids so you can
organize and prepare. If this doesn’t work, schedule an independent work day, where
the kids will still do school work independently, but you can catch up on things while they
work. You could work beside the kids so you are available if they need help, or you could use the day for educational movies.
*When you feel
prepared you will have peace*
Thief #7- Lack of
breaks
There is value in a day off. We need breaks, and not just during
Christmas and Easter. I recommend scheduling a day off here and there. This
will give you something to look forward to. It will motivate you to do what you
need to each day, knowing you have a break on the horizon. You could use this
day off to plan an adventure with the family or choose to spend a cozy, quiet
day at home, whatever you need.
*Taking breaks
periodically makes you feel renewed, thus you will feel more peaceful*
Thief #8- Do I
have what it takes?
Some say homeschooling is not for everyone. While this may
be true, I do believe anyone is able. Mothers
are resourceful and always find a way to do what they feel is best for their
children. The Catechism states, “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children” (2223). God gave each of us
what we need to see to the needs of our children. He will especially bless the
efforts of those raising children for His Kingdom.
*When you realize you
indeed have what it takes, you will find peace*
A few final
thoughts
It is important to realize the battle at hand. We are in a
battle for our children’s souls. We are faced with this as we navigate these
homeschooling years. I don’t want to give the enemy too much attention but it
is helpful to remember what we are up against as we raise children for The
Kingdom. St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
We all need support. Don’t go it alone. Seek help, advice,
and ideas from your fellow homeschooling friends.
Take time for activities which will recharge your batteries.
Take time for things which will support you in your
homeschooling, i.e. homeschool conferences.
Remember that if Our Lord brought you to this place. He will
give the grace to persevere.
Pray without ceasing- SEEK-TRUST-AND LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS
-begin with our Lord and Lady. Listen as you pray. He and Our Lady will lead
you faithfully.
May our Lord bless your every effort,
Jen
